Sunday, May 13, 2012

Mother's Day

Walking the journey of diagnosis and treatment for breast cancer was certainly one of the most challenging things I have ever encountered in my life; however, there is another journey that far exceeds the difficulty of cancer for me. That is the journey of motherhood.  One would think that with the mother God gave me, knowing how to be a great mom might not be so hard to figure out.  The challenge for me lies in the constant struggle against being a lover of me.  Mother’s Day can be a bit tricky for me.  On one hand, I appreciate a day to let my own mom know how much she means to me but on another hand, I struggle with my own inadequacies about the mom I am to my kids.  Very little rivals the feelings I have for my kids, but there are days (and many of them) that I must consciously decide to deny myself for the sake of loving them.  It is hard to not feel entitled to 5 minutes of quiet so I can catch up with a girlfriend on the phone or finish eating my meal before it turns cold.  It often irks me to not be able to shop, exercise or date my husband whenever I want.  And more recently the time that I get to spend with the Lord reading and writing never seems to be enough. Then I realize (and cancer has helped me to realize) that this season with these two little people that rely on me for so much is indeed short.  There will be a time when I will long for them to crawl up into my lap at the dinner table, long to be soaked with bath water, and long to spend the time talking, singing and praying with them at night.  Because this time will inevitably come, I will continue to strive to be less of a lover of self and more of the mom that God has called me to be.  

This week marks what we know to be the final step in our ten month journey.  On Wednesday at 7:30 am, I will undergo the last surgery for the reconstruction process following the double mastectomy.  It consists of a nipple/areolar reconstruction using tissue that is grafted from my lower abdominal region.  The recovery from this procedure should be similar to the last procedure with the exception of a six-inch incision in the area where the grafts are taken.  I will be out of work again for 2 weeks and unable to run for another 6 weeks.  I will also be dealing with some pretty bulky dressings that must stay in place for 2 weeks to allow for healing of the grafted tissue.  We appreciate your prayers once again for protection and healing as we seek to finish well.  

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