I must confess that this week began with a bit of grumbling and complaining on my part. It wasn't until I started reading The Land Between by Jeff Manion that I even realized the condition of my heart earlier this week. Perhaps it is the shorter days (I love being outside) or the overall yuck feeling I have after chemo or maybe it is the discomfort from the expanders in my chest while trying to sleep at night. Things were starting to get to me. As I mentioned before "The Land Between" refers to the difficult transition times in our lives during which we have the option to put all of our trust in God or to start to grumble and complain. Jeff Manion uses the Isrealites' journey through the wilderness from their slavery in Egypt to the promised land in Canaan to help us compare to these times of "undesired, transitional space" in our own lives.
I was particularly touched by what Manion says about the Isrealites' option for food while they are traveling through the desert. Numbers 11 speaks of the manna that God sent down every night for them to eat. They would then go around gathering it and would grind it up to either be cooked in a pot or made into cakes. It doesn't sound like there were too many options for preparation, and this is what they ate for every meal. I think I would start to grumble myself. But then I was reminded that the manna was God's provision and it was literally falling from heaven for them. As horrible as the thought of controlled poison being injected into my veins every 3 weeks is, chemotherapy is God's provision for me to be well and for this cancer to hopefully never come back. As much as I hate not being able to sleep in my beloved fetal position with pillows between my legs and arms, the expanders are God's provision that my body might someday look pretty normal again. And the short days, well maybe it is God's provision for me to slow down a bit and allow for some hibernation to get through the next few months. Especially with Thanksgiving being next week, I am so very grateful for the manna that God has provided for me and will do my best to avoid the grumbling and complaining.