The Dreaded Grocery Run

There are two aspects of parenting that I absolutely despise: potty training and grocery shopping with my kids.  Perhaps it is because the two things completely overwhelm me.  Unfortunately, neither of my children have been those so-called kids that train themselves.  They are actually the kind that require that hardcore commitment as a mom to be house-bound for a week or more and provide endless supplies of chocolate treats (two things that should never go together anyway).  Then there is grocery shopping...if you know me well, you know it is just something I choose not to do with my children if at all possible. (Honestly, Blake does most of the grocery shopping in our household anyway which is a huge blessing.) On those rare occasions that I find myself in a store with my kids in tow, all proper parenting practices seem to fall by the wayside and I resort to bribes, again with chocolate.  Don't judge me!

This past Saturday, Blake was busy for the day and I really wanted to pick up a few things from our local Safeway.  I figured at least they have those nice compact carts with the cool green car on the front that aren't a mile long and hard to steer.  The cool cart with the green car was entertaining for about 5 minutes before they started fighting and asking to be let out to walk.  "I knew I shouldn't haven't subjected myself to this torture" I thought to myself. But I pressed on to fulfill my short list while reminding them of the treat that awaited if we could just get it done.  Finally I made it to the checkout line and not the one that is sugar-free because after all, I had made chocolate promises. As I was waiting to pay, I looked to my right to see Ann, the home health nurse that cared for me in the days after my first surgery checking out at the next register.  Do I say hello? Will she remember me?  Will the kids even allow such a thing?  I decided that I must.

Before I could even finish reminding her of who I was (the last time I saw her I had longer hair and was most likely in my pajamas), she smiled and said “Kara, you look great!  How are you?”  We hugged in the parking lot and I told her how much I appreciated how she cared for me during those incredibly difficult weeks.  If there had been more time and my kids hadn’t been screaming at me, I would have told her how I have passed on the wonderful tips she gave me as part of the kits we give to ladies that go through the surgery.  As I drove home in mostly silence since the kids were consuming their chocolate rewards, I became pretty emotional.  I was reminded yet again of God’s faithfulness almost one year ago and found the date to be no coincidence.  On Tuesday, August 23^th of last year just two days before my scheduled mastectomy the mid-Atlantic region experienced its first ever earthquake.  On August 27^th just two days following my scheduled mastectomy, Hurricane Irene came through and left us in the dark for 4 days. In spite of all that, here I am a year later celebrating my good health with my nurse, Ann in the Safeway parking lot during one of those dreaded visits to the grocery store with my kids, a visit I would normally choose not to take. 

When was the last time God used the most unlikely of circumstances to remind you of His faithfulness?  

Signing Off (of CaringBridge)

It has been a week of remembrance.  By this day one year ago I was on my third appointment at the breast center in a week, that is about as many times as I had been to a doctor in the year before.  The dark clouds had moved in on Tuesday morning when I went for my mammogram/sonogram and was told that I had two tumors in my right breast that were most likely cancerous.  By Thursday, I was back for a needle biopsy of those tumors, and on Friday, my fears were confirmed by pathology report that I did in fact have Invasive Ductal Carcinoma.  So here I sit a year later wondering how to adequately memorialize this incredibly difficult yet life-changing week of my life.  Do I throw a party?  Do I take a trip?  Do I go to a spa? Hmm, these all sound nice. But something in me feels the need to sit and write.

When I first signed on to use the CaringBridge website last August, little did I know that it would become a spiritual inventory that I will cherish for the rest of my days.  The initial intention of it was to have a place to where family and friends could go to be updated on test results and surgery dates.  But as I began to write, an emotional release happened and a record of God’s goodness started to form.  I am so grateful for those that have followed my CaringBridge over the last year. But even if there had been no one to read it, I would have continued writing.  My soul seems to agree with all that I have read about the advantages of journaling. 

I realize that all that is needed to journal is a pen and paper, and journals are often kept private.  I also realize that people have finite amounts of time, which they might not want to devote to reading my random thoughts especially when they aren’t focused on cancer.  However, there just might be some part of my story that resonates and encourages someone else.  Or perhaps some detail of my journey that I have written about will answer a question for another woman who has recently been diagnosed with breast cancer.  Maybe my recording of God’s goodness will be my own spiritual fuel for times when I need it in the future.  Writing could potentially boost my immune system and act as an additional cancer-fighter or so I have heard.  These are the thoughts that have led to my decision to create Pinked Perspective (www.pinkedperspective.blogspot.com) and wrap up my CaringBridge page.  Since I am a bit compulsive about celebrating dates as well as carrying a task to completion, I find it appropriate to close up my page with this final journal entry on this, the one-year anniversary of my diagnosis. 

For those that followed our journey through the CaringBridge this year, we want to say “thank you”. Your thoughts, your prayers, your words and your kind acts inspired us to keep believing that we would be standing on this side remembering God’s goodness a year later.    

A Year Later

"Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you.  Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul."

 Psalm 143:8

"As you look to me, I show you what to do now and next."

 from Jesus Calling by Sarah Young

These are the precious words I read one year ago yesterday after receiving the scariest news of my life.  In a moment of sheer desperation, I did the only thing that made sense...I turned to Jesus.  His message to me was undeniable.  He gave me these words that would make their way onto a very special t-shirt and set the trajectory for the next year of my life. As I reflect on the year, I am awed by His faithfulness that at every step along the way, He did show me the way I was supposed to go, and each new day was evidence of His unfailing love.  

A Long-Awaited Vacation

If there were ever a need for a pause button, it was while on our first family vacation since treatment for breast cancer. With the exception of last year's trip, which was cancelled because of my treatment, we have vacationed in Carolina Beach, NC for the last eight summers with my best friend (since we were five) and her family.

The husbands sort through numerous internet listings to find us the perfect beach house.  If you have ever vacationed at the beaches of North Carolina, this is what the homes tend to look like.

They are built so tall in order to capture amazing ocean views that an elevator is often a necessity.

The days are spent swimming in the ocean and digging in the sand while we catch up on the last year of life.  

There is a list of traditions that must be fulfilled including a marathon grocery run for the guys,

Carolina BBQ at Jackson's, Squigley's ice cream, breakfast at the famous Britt's Donuts, golf for the guys, dinner out for the girls, and a walk through downtown Wilmington.  

We have made an extra effort to get away for weekend trips but the truth is we were starving for a vacation.  And although it feels like the week went by in a blink, we are so grateful for the memories that were made, the relationships that were deepened and the refreshment our souls experienced.  


Do you have plans to get away and make memories with your family this year? 

Sunrise

Several weeks ago I was invited by two of my sweet friends to go watch the sunrise on the beach.  It wasn’t my first sunrise, but it was the first since walking my journey. No doubt about it, the Lord met me there that morning, and ever since I have been hooked.  Since we are on vacation at the beach this week, it was definitely in my plans to enjoy a few sunrises.  As I was taking in today’s sunrise, I realized a few reasons why I love it so much:

It requires a bit of sacrifice but makes the experience that much greater.

No two sunrises are ever the same and yet the end result is always the same.

 With each blink, the sky changes.

 Even with the clouds, the beauty remains and often makes it even more beautiful.

 The water reflects the glory of the sun.

 If you leave too soon, you may miss the most spectacular view.

More Than A Survivor

Survivor is defined as “a person remaining alive after an event in which others have died”.  The theme of the week for me has been survivorship with a follow-up appointment to the breast center, the one year anniversary date of diagnosis for a dear friend that I have made because of walking similar journeys, and running into my oncologist, Dr. Garg while out to eat in Annapolis the other night. I have to admit that I have been struggling with the term, survivor.  There are many positive reasons to be referred to in this way.  First of all, I do appreciate and do not take for granted that others have died from the event that I just went through. And secondly, I become a part of a very special group of women (and men) as a breast cancer survivor.  But if I am a “survivor” does it mean that breast cancer is just a thing of my past?  I can never be certain there will not be a recurrence.  I can also never deny that it changed so much of who I am and how I plan to live out my days.  I have come to realize the trouble with the term for me is that to survive this disease is not going to be enough. This “Bend in the Road” was for a reason and I want to make a difference because of it.  With the help of my husband who is a huge of fan of all Braveheart-type movies as well as an alumnus of the University of Hawaii, I think I have finally settled on a term that I can live with.  Warrior is “one who is engaged energetically and aggressively in an activity, a cause or a conflict”. I like to think of myself as a breast cancer warrior.

Although I fully intend to participate in events that raise awareness for breast cancer and have become a bit of an addict of all things pink, the way I hope to be energetically and aggressively engaged is by supporting other young women that are newly diagnosed with breast cancer.  I think back to that first week when the ton of bricks fell on us, and I want to be a part (even if it is a small part) of the Hope that other ladies experience as they begin to navigate the uncharted territory that is breast cancer diagnosis and treatment.  I have mentioned the kits that I have been able to share with a few ladies who were about to go through surgery, as well as my intention to become involved with the SOS (Survivors Offering Support) mentorship program. However, I have also recently decided to create a blog.  "Pinked Perspective"will hopefully be a place of encouragement for other young ladies that are diagnosed or maybe anyone that is experiencing a “Land Between” or a “Bend in the Road”.  It will also be a diary of sorts that gives glimpses into life at the Hamilton household.  I am going to be wrapping up my CaringBridge page soon and hope that you would consider following our family on the blog.

Commit and Carry

Over the last several months, our church has been trying to raise money for short-term mission trips that happened in the spring and will be happening this summer.  The project is called Commit and Carry and a few creative people have been selling shirts, stickers, journals etc to raise money for the work that is to be done in a few specific countries.  One of these countries is El Salvador and my parents are among the team that will be leaving tomorrow to travel there.  This trip is especially significant because they received the news of my diagnosis just 12 hours before they were scheduled to leave for El Salvador last summer.  I remember the struggle to come to a decision about what they should do.  Initially I was determined to see them go because I thought perhaps God had big plans for them there.  They had studied Spanish all year and prepared for several weeks for their trip.  It felt really selfish of me to ask them not to go.  So we prayed.  The three of us went before the Lord with the heaviest of hearts and asked for his guidance.  I remember the answer coming to me within moments of our “amen”.  The answer came through the words of my surgeon who had delivered my diagnosis just a few hours earlier. She said “Honey, the next several months are all about what you need.”  I realized in that moment that I needed my parents.  If anything were to happen to them while traveling out of the country, I wasn’t sure I would be able to make it through the journey I was about to walk. 

And so I rejoice in their departure tomorrow.  I have purchased a Commit and Carry journal that I will use while they are gone.  I am dedicated to praying for them and the team as they carry out both what they have planned for their trip as well as the plans that the Lord has yet to reveal to them. They will be spending a lot of their time with the men, women and children of Guyabo at a community center that has recently been built. They plan to deliver sewing machines and teach sewing as a trade there. The married couples of the team (my parents included) will be mentoring a few Salvadoran couples in their faith.  And the ladies of the team will also be leading a women’s conference at the host church, Iglesia Gran Comision San Salvador, during which my mom will be giving a testimony on finding contentment in all circumstances, even a cancer diagnosis.  How exciting to think that God might be able to use my cancer journey all the way down in El Salvador!

Would you consider saying a prayer for my parents and the team this week, as well as for the ministry to the people of San Salvador?