Day 18: I don't hate the color pink.

I've gone most of my life not being very fond of the color pink.  I blame my mom.  As her third child and only daughter, she forced pink on me quite often.  She even decided at one point while I was growing up that laying pink carpeting in our entire house was a good idea.  I have never agreed and still look forward to the day it gets replaced.  

I thought it quite ironic when I received my diagnosis, and suddenly my entire world became all about the "pink".  Funny how life has a way of taking you through things and changing your perspective, even about what colors you like! 

 

It is a slight understatement to say that I am now addicted to all things pink. I might even drive people crazy with it. But I think I have figured out the reason behind my addiction...I am one who needs reminders. I need reminders of the journey I recently traveled.  I need reminders that tomorrow is not guaranteed and I must be thankful for each precious moment. I need reminders that God is Faithful, no matter what. I need reminders that I have sisters out there who are in the midst of fighting the disease. I even need reminders to do my own self-exams. 

So all my pink things...that's what they are, reminders. 

I am really excited to see all the pink this Sunday at the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure in Hunt Valley, MD.  Click here to join Kara's Krew and walk/run with us.  It's not too late to join! 

Day 17: Listen to my body!

A few days ago I wrote about not letting your mind limit what your body can do. I feel like I need to write a disclaimer addendum to that post. The body is an amazing thing capable of so much. It is also amazing because it can alert you when something is not right. I was the one who found the lump in my right breast. And no, it wasn't because I faithfully perform self-breast exams. I was lying in my bed one night reading or working on my computer (can't remember which) when I subconsciously starting feeling along my chest. Sub-conscious turned into slightly more conscious and I thought to myself, “maybe I should go have that checked.” But I am not one to run to the doctor; I am much more of the “wait and see” type. In fact, it took me about two weeks to get an appointment with my primary care physician. And when I finally did, it was because when I mentioned it to one of my friends who has dealt with a lot of cancer in her family she freaked and practically called to make the appointment for me. Even when I was evaluated by the nurse practitioner, my anxiety level was minimal about it. She referred me to the breast center but didn't seem too concerned either. On the morning of my mammogram and sonogram, I was more concerned about the traffic getting there than I was about the possibility that the lump was anything more than a cyst from drinking too much coffee. Little did I know I was on the brink of months of sleepless nights. The good news is that I didn't wait too long to have it checked. And my cancer ended up being stage 1A and did not reach my lymph nodes. All of this to say, there is a time to push my body because it is good for it, but there is also a time to stop and pay attention to what my body is telling me.

Day 16: I delight in God's Word.

Several months ago, I came across Psalm 119:92 "If your law had not been my delight, I would have perished in my affliction." I thought about that word delight and even looked up its definition. Delight means "to bring great pleasure or joy". Before my journey through breast cancer treatment, I read scripture. I even memorized it on occasion but I don't believe it brought me great pleasure.  It wasn't until God used it to sustain me day after day in the midst of my struggle, that I experienced the joy that it was meant to bring me.

I mentioned the other day how the verses marked out in Jesus Calling provided just the encouragement I needed for each day. But I have found another tool that brings me delight in God's Word. As any mom can attest, it is rare that I get to exercise my choice of music while in the car with my kids. About two years ago, my best friend, Stephanie introduced us to Seeds Family Worship. It is a ministry based in Nashville, TN that was started by a team of worship leaders whose mission is to see families come together to hide the Word in their hearts by providing fun, catchy songs in which actual word for word Bible verses are set to music. They have produced several CDs with various themes including praise, faith, character, purpose, encouragement, and purity. We have almost all of them now because we love them that much. In fact, there are times that it is my choice of music even when the kids aren't in the car with me. Seriously, what could be better than my kids getting songs with God's Word stuck in their heads? What's better is that they get stuck in my head as well!

Click to watch a video and listen to an example of one of their songs from Seeds of Courage-Philippians 4:6-7. 

Day 15: I don't have an alien head.

So remember when I mentioned my fears about losing my hair? If you were to feel my head through my hair, it does this weird thing in the back where it goes flat and then kinda drops off toward my neck. Blake and I have always joked about my alien head. So one of my biggest hair loss fears was that I would look like something from another planet. Turns out my head isn't all that alien-like, and I don't look too horrendous without hair. This doesn't mean I will be shaving my head again any time soon.

Day 14: Jesus IS Calling.

Like a lot of other great things in life, my mom was the one that introduced me to a small devotional book entitled Jesus Calling. At the time she gave it to me, I had no idea the impact it would have on my life and my relationship with The Lord. As I walked through the uncertainty and even the certainty of what my journey would entail, I was reading the devotions marked out for each day. I was continually amazed at how the scriptures and the content of the devotion were exactly what I needed for that day. It was as if I was being called to bring all my fears, my anxieties, my insecurities into His Presence so He could show me that His grace would bring me through it, no matter the outcome of my breast cancer journey.

Because of the numerous times this book has spoken directly to my needs for that particular day, I can't help but share it. If you haven't discovered it on your own, I may have given it to you as a gift. It is always included when I send kits to my "sisters" facing breast cancer surgery. It is why I can't help but include it in my 31 Days.

Thank you, Sarah Young, for your beautiful, inspired writing. And thank you, Jesus, for calling me into your Presence and revealing your faithfulness on a daily basis. 

Click here to read an article about Sarah Young.  Click here if you are looking for your new favorite app for your phone or iPad.

Day 13: I really love vacations.

A1A to 312 to 207 to 95. That is how my physical body leaves this place. But I am afraid the rest of me is struggling to know how to leave it. 

I keep trying to put my finger on why this last week has been such an incredible vacation. Is it the rest that we were so desperate for? Is it the beach that we love so much? Is it all the yummy food we splurged on? Is it the comfortable lodging that met our family's needs so well? Is it the town that has come to mean so much to us? Don't get me wrong all of those things helped make it a great time. But I am pretty sure it is all about three people. 

A wise person (my husband) once told me, “our money is best spent on making memories”. As much as I hate to admit, the peeling linoleum floor and the 1980's style laminate countertops can wait if it means memories like the ones we made this last week.

Now for a photo recap:

This is our rental car "Bu" that took us on our great vacation.  Notice it is not a mini-van or a SUV? Right, well it meant closer quarters for our 12 hour drives each way.

This is the St. Augustine sunset sky that greeted us upon our arrival. 

This is one of our favorite spots in our condo.  I enjoyed writing from this balcony many of the days. The kids especially enjoyed the large soaking tub in the master bath. 

If you ask Koa his favorite memory, he would say Mini Golf for sure!

The Alligator Farm was pretty cool too.

I felt like one of those crazy parents taking our kids back to all of our favorite spots and trying to tell them stories of "back when..."

Including this one...the site of our first date

The Lighthouse is another one of those "must see" spots.

It pays to have good friends to visit in St. Augustine who will babysit so you can have a date night....

and give your kiddos a fun tour of the fire station!  Thank you, Purtills! 

Day 12: There is no such thing as coincidence.

Last week I received an email from one of my dearest friends telling me about an incident in which she was volunteering in her daughter's kindergarten class and met the mom of another girl in the class. The two little girls had become quite fond of one another since the start of school. As the moms began talking, my friend realized she was meeting someone of whom she had heard me speak several times. When my journey began in July of 2011, I was introduced {through another friend} to a woman who was diagnosed with breast cancer about one month before me. We immediately began writing to one another and sharing the struggles we were mutually facing. We followed each other's Caring Bridge pages and became cheerleaders for one another. We have only met in person twice, but our bond was instantaneous. Now two of the most precious people in my life are friends, and it looks as though it might be the start of a sweet friendship for their daughters as well.

On the same day I read that email, I had a similar something happen to me. I had been told the story of a woman from our church that was diagnosed with a desmoid tumor near her spine. Apparently desmoid tumors are not malignant but behave so much like cancerous tumors that it can lead to severe pain and amputations (and death too). They are often treated with surgery unless they reach a size so large that chemotherapy and radiation are necessary in order to shrink them, as is the case for this woman. Since hearing her story and what she was facing, I had been wanting to reach out to her. I happened to be at the hospital that day for an appointment and was browsing through the gift shop checking out their “pink” stuff when a woman came up to me and said she recognized me from this video and this one too that were shown at church back in December. She told me her name and I immediately knew it was the same person. We shared a really special time in the lobby of the Health Sciences Pavilion {right outside of the Breast Center, by the way}. We talked. We prayed. We encouraged each other. We knew our meeting was from The Lord.

Is it a coincidence that my mom's friend Trisha was volunteering at the Breast Center the day my cancer was discovered? {Read more about this here}

Is it a coincidence that my friend in St Augustine was college roommates with the mom of one of Koa's little buddies in his preschool class who is also quickly becoming one of my good friends?

Is it a coincidence that a reserved guy from Hawaii and an extroverted girl from Maryland would enter a physical therapy program in St. Augustine, FL at precisely the same time.

Is it a coincidence that my mother-in-law would be diagnosed with breast cancer a few months before I was?

Some would chalk all of this up to coincidence.  Some may even label it fate. Not me. I believe in a plan. A plan that belongs to a God who wants us to experience His loving provision in the smallest and biggest details of our lives.